In honour of National Self-Care Week 2025, L360’s self-care obsessed assistant editor Katie Sipp-Hurley shares her no-nonsense guide to prioritising yourself and meaning it.
There’s a phrase making the rounds on TikTok lately: ‘The price of community is inconvenience’. It’s usually delivered dramatically and followed by a contentious monologue as to why we should all keep plans even when we don’t feel like it.
The idea that we might need to inconvenience ourselves for the sake of others isn’t new, but it’s been given a distinctly 2025 social media spin — likely for the sake of gaining views — that feels counterproductive. Creators have begun tying the mantra to self-care, suggesting that cancelling plans in the name of rest is selfish. According to some, true self-care is collective: so, you should be showing up, even when you’re tired.
To that, I say, with practiced ease, no. Of course, self-care isn’t a free pass to ignore responsibilities or flake on people who genuinely need you, and I do absolutely believe a sense of community is vital for our emotional and physical wellbeing. But since when did self-sacrifice become a virtue? You don’t get moral points for exhausting yourself in the name of sticking to plans.
Plus, it’s simply not sustainable to live this way. We need to prioritise ourselves sometimes — it’s not about indulgence, it’s about maintenance.
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Is putting yourself first selfish?
Personally, I love putting myself first — I love saying no. Friends have even congratulated me on how decisively I can do it. But it wasn’t always this easy. I’m familiar with that simmering guilt that comes with setting boundaries — even if that boundary is something as small as cancelling dinner because you’re run down.
What I’ve learnt is that putting yourself first isn’t complicated. It’s just about being honest — with yourself, and with others. Be honest about how you feel, what you can manage and how you think you’ll feel if you push yourself anyway. That honesty forms the basis for better boundaries, clearer priorities and, ultimately, more respectful relationships.
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How to communicate your priorities
A few years ago, my friends and I came up with our own way of checking in with ourselves (possibly borrowed from someone’s mum, but we’ll take the credit): the ‘sugar in your cup’ rule. Each morning, you start with a number of sugars based on how you feel — 10 is the max. Some days you begin with more, some with less.
Everything you go through during the day uses up sugars, thereby depleting your stock. For example, going over to your friend’s house to rehash her complicated breakup might take one or even two sugars if you’re tired (though on a good day, those same moments might add one back in).
So, if someone suggests a plan or asks for help — emotional labour, advice, errands — and you don’t have the bandwidth, you can simply say: “I don’t have enough sugars in my cup” or “I’ve only got two sugars left today.” No justification, guilt or over explanation needed — the honesty is the point. It means you’re not able to prioritise that person right now, but you’ll let them know when you can.
It might feel silly at first, but it’s a surprisingly effective way to communicate your limits kindly, and it can even help you spot where else you’re overextending yourself.
Self-care, after all, isn’t just about routines and products. It’s about what you do with your time: small, consistent rituals that show respect for yourself and what you need to stay balanced.
If you’re new to it, here are a few ways to start.
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Nine ways to start putting yourself first
1. Learn to say no (and mean it)
To the people-pleasers and those still in recovery: my heart goes out to you. The temptation to sugar-coat your needs with a PR-friendly excuse is real, and often easier, but honest is kinder for everyone involved. Saying, “I’m exhausted and need a night in” is infinitely better than sending a frantic text worthy of a crisis manager.
Saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care, it means you’re saving energy. You should still make exceptions for when people truly need you, but it’s worth weighing up whether cancelling will ruin someone’s week or lead to a simple reschedule. Often, it’s the latter.
2. Make time for the right people
Putting yourself first doesn’t mean isolation. Some social time nourishes, some drains and that’s fine to admit.
Make regular plans with people who you know uplift or calm you, whether that’s emotionally, intellectually or otherwise. Everyone else can be seen on a case-by-case basis. You’re under no obligation to see anyone you don’t want to (just apply this rule sensibly).
3. Learn to enjoy your own company
You can’t put yourself first if you never spend time with yourself. Solitude is often where you’ll figure out what you actually need.
If you’re not sure where to begin, try a solo walk, an evening cooking just for you or time set aside for reading or doing nothing.
4. Make decisions on your own
If you find yourself consulting half your contact list before making any decision, however big or small, it might be time to check in with yourself. Seeking advice is fine, but constantly outsourcing your judgement can confuse what you really want.
Try making smaller decisions solo — what to eat, what to wear, how to spend your time — without consulting the group chat. It’s surprisingly freeing and helps you to build trust in your own instincts.
5. Take rest seriously
Real rest isn’t scrolling (or sadly even watching TV). It’s doing nothing, properly — free from notifications, demands on your attention, obligation and guilt.
Prioritise rest that feels deliberate: take naps, go for aimless walks, sit in silence, let your thoughts wander. The world will keep turning, even if you disengage from it for an hour.
6. Watch your screentime
We all know endless scrolling doesn’t feel good, and much of what we post or consume isn’t really for ourselves anyway.
Instead of banning screens altogether, reframe time offline as a self-care act rather than punishment. Put your phone away for an evening — cook, read, talk or even watch a film without double-screening.
Mute those group chats, delay replies. No one’s entitled to your constant availability.
7. Keep your space clean
Take it from a reformed messy person: chaos at home affects your head.
If you live with others, set boundaries. If someone leaves the kitchen in a state, speak up kindly but firmly. You can always begin by explaining that a clean, calm space benefits everyone’s headspace. It’s not about nagging, it’s about consideration.
8. Don’t be too hard on yourself
Sometimes self-care just means allowing yourself to make mistakes. Sent an email without the attachment? Lost your keys again? Cancelled a plan because you were overwhelmed? You’re human, it happens. Give yourself the same grace you’d extend to a friend.
9. Address the guilt
Look, if several people explain that you’ve upset them or been selfish, it might be time for reflection. But cancelling plans, setting boundaries or prioritising rest aren’t acts of selfishness, and the world won’t end if you rearrange plans with a good amount of notice.
You’re allowed to say no. You’re allowed to rest. You’re even allowed to disappoint people (as long as it’s for the right reasons).
Putting yourself first doesn’t mean pushing others away, it means recognising you can’t pour from an empty cup — and everyone’s cup is a different size.
So, take the nap, decline the invite, slow cook something comforting, tidy your room. The people who matter will understand. And if they don’t, that’s on them, not you.
Feature image: Pexels
